Picture of the day

Mourinho vs Ronaldo

Dokubo Asari: There Will Be No Peace If Jonathan Is Not Returned In 2015

Ahead of 2015 general elections, Northern youths engaged former President of Ijaw Youth Congress (IYC) and Leader of the Niger Delta People’s Volunteer Force (NDPVF), Alhaji Mujahid Dokubo-Asari, in a war of words over the re-election bid of President Goodluck Jonathan in 2015.

Dokubo had fired the first salvo while addressing a press conference in Abuja as he declared that the Niger Delta region cannot guarantee peace in Nigeria if President Jonathan is not returned in 2015.

He also stated that after Jonathan’s presidency, the region will resume claim to the resources in the oil-rich Niger-Delta, saying that they are currently on sabbatical leave.

The Arewa youths, however, responded immediately warning Asari Dokubo to desist from beating the drums of war over the re-election of President Jonathan in 2015.

They said that the choice of Nigeria’s next

GlaxoSmithKline Nigeria: Business Planning & Insights Manager

GlaxoSmithKline plc (GSK) is a British multinational pharmaceutical, biologics, vaccines and consumer healthcare company headquartered in London, United Kingdom. GlaxoSmithKline is one of the world’s leading research based pharmaceutical and healthcare companies. We have a challenging and inspiring mission to improve the quality of human life by enabling people to do more, feel better and live longer. With a firm foundation in science we discover, develop, manufacture and distribution prescriptions,

medicines, vaccines and consumer healthcare products.

Mourinho wants Chelsea to drop Falcao chase and sign Lewandowski

Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho is pushing Chelsea to sign Borussia Dortmund striker Robert Lewandowski.

The London Evening Standard says Lewandowski could be one of the arrivals as Mourinho is looking at the Borussia Dortmund striker with doubts emerging over a deal for long-term target Radamel Falcao.

Ronaldo tells Man united players he wants return

Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo is open to re-signing forManchester United.
The Daily Star Sunday says Ronaldo has told a senior player at Old Trafford that he would seriously consider that proposition.
And United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has insisted he will have the backing

NCC bids to regulate management of telcos

The Nigerian Communications Commission decidedly is moving into management regulation of telcos operating in the country, following its resolution to “immediately enforce and implement Accounting Separation on the dominant operator.”

Dr.Juwah

Not only that, the telecoms regulator bids to fix prices in some segments of the telecoms market by requiring operators to set tariffs within a price cap and price floor to be determined by the regulator.

At the weekend, NCC designated MTN Nigeria as the dominant

Who is junior biological father?

Akpors is a house boy who drinks the wine of his
Boss with impunity then adds water to cover his
tracks.

His Boss was suspicious & decided to buy pasties (a
French wine that changes color if u add water just
like dettol).
Unknowing, Akpors drank from d wine & topped it
up with water as usual.

Sadly
for him, immediately he added water d pasties
became milky & when d
Boss came back & noticed it, he knew he had
nailed Akpors.

Akpors knew he was in trouble & decided to stay
put in d kitchen
when his boss came home.

The Boss told his wife about whathe observed.
Akpors!, he called from the sitting room.
He answered: Yes, Boss.
Who drank my pasties?.

Akpors :No answer.
The Boss asked again: still no answer.
Then d Boss went to the kitchen 2meet him there:

Are u insane or what? Why when I call u say yes
boss but when I ask you a question u dont
answerme?

Akpos retorted, hmmm oga when u are in d
kitchen u dont understand anything at all, except
ur name
Is
that so? asked the boss, Okay, go to the bar stand
beside Madam, while Ill go into d kitchen & then ask me a
question

Akpos accepted. When his boss was in d kitchen
he shouts: Boss.
Yes, Akpors his Boss answers. Akpos then asks,
Who goes into the maids bedroom when Madam is not at home?
No answer.
D boi shouted again: Boss, I say who dey sneak to d
maids room when madam no dey house?
No answer.
The Boss runs back from the kitchen shouting Wonders
will never cease!
Akpos, It is true, when one is in the kitchen, one
does not hear
anything, except ones name.
D wife interrupted, thats not true. Its a lie without argument. Akpos asked if
shell enter d
magic kitchen 2be tested. She agreed.
Akpos asks madam, Whos juniors biological
father? Me or d Boss?
Madam: Mad rushed out of the kitchen. This kitchen needs to be fumigated I cant understand
anything.

One world for them!!

Whats your contribution?

PRESENTER AKPORS: Wats ur contribution?

CALLER:There is dis lady i wanted in my life
shortly after my NYSC,Bt all my efforts proved
abortive, She wouldn't pick ma calls, she would laf at me
while passing by for reasons best known to her, 5
months later, i was able 2 get an apartment,
get a new car courtesy of a contract job i
secured with a major oil company. Now most of d missed
calls i have are hers, barrage of sms and all dat, i am
confused on wot 2 do, Plz advice me.

PRESENTER AKPORS: Listen up give her a call
letting her knw u'll be at her house in 2hrs,

Facebook status

OCHUKO: I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single".
AKPOS: Me too, I fight with my parents but you don't see me change my status to "orphan"!

Describe this girl in one word

AKPOS: (holding a car key)
Hi babe u looking
good..
Girl: Oh thank you, I wouldnt mind if u
take me out
Akpos: sure. Lets go.
Girl: why we walking away frm cars, aint you
driving?
Akpos: yah i am. My bicycle is that black
one.
Girl: I was joking, I do not date, I am a
christian.

Arsenal, Newcastle Target ready to leave Olympique Marseille

The 22-year-old left-back has been a regular for the Ligue 1 side throughout their current campaign but pressing financial problems could force the French club to offload the defender in the summer.

Nicolas Nkoulou has opened the door to a move away this summer.

Nkoulou is attracting serious interest from Newcastle United and Arsenal ahead of the summer market.

"I want to finish the season and then we will talk about my case. I love Marseille, they were perfect with me. Transfer? I am here, but if everyone is

Brendan Rodgers to sign David Villa

Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers wants to bring Barcelona striker David Villa to Anfield.

The Sunday Mirror says Rodgers hopes he may be able to land Villa for a knockdown fee after failing in a bid to take the Spaniard on loan in January. Villa is unhappy with playing a bit-part role for Barca and may

Mourinho ready to depart having failed to meet expectations.

Jose Mourinho looks likely to leave Real Madrid this summer after three years. Cronan Yu believes that he departs having failed to meet expectations.

Jose Mourinho arrived at Real Madrid with two objectives - to end Barcelona’s domestic dominance and to win Los Blancos’ 10^th European Cup, La Decima. But who would’ve thought that nearly three years on, the Portuguese would be moving towards Santiago Bernabeu’s exit door without having left his mark?

Hailed by many as one of greatest Coaches ever to have graced the bench, he reign at Madrid has been, comparatively speaking, dismal to say the least. The club, wounded by consecutive Clasico defeats and unsuccessful League and Champions League bids sought in 2010 after a Coach with a CV that could match the prestige of the club itself. And who better that Mourinho at the time?

The fact that he had won the Champions League at the Bernabeu in the season before taking over Los Merengues somewhat reassured President Florentino Perez that their bid to win a 10^th European Crown would be a job made possible. However, he has proven not to be the go–to man.

CONVERSATION BETWEEN AKPOS AND HIS GIRL FRIEND JOY

JOY: honey do you still love me like before?
Akpos: Yes love! My love for you will never change.
joy: thats my honey. I want you to buy me something.
Akpos: Just name it
joy: It's just one BB porsche.
Akpos: No problem. Just find out the price and let me know.
joy: It's #350,000.
Akpos: Is it manual or authomatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?
joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It's a phone.
Akpos: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it will have a fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe, shey?
joy: Are you buying it or not?
Akpos: Please i am not oh! I can't!
joy: Helloooooo!
Akpos: Hiiiiiiiii!
joy: Dont even bother again. I'will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.
Akpos: Better still, call Atiku, he will be faster.
joy:(sad, cry): 'am goin to delete you.
Akpos: Is your fone hanging? because I have deleted you since you mentioned porsche

Job Openings at Telnet Nigeria Limited (15 Positions)

Job Description

A leading ICT firm seeks suitable candidates for the following positions at its Head Office in Lagos:

1. Phone support
2. Web Support Analyst
3. Information Security Support Engineer
4. Sales
5. Head, Account Management
6. Team Lead Network Integration
7. Rigger
8. Support Engineers
9. Support Coordinator
10. Service Coordinator
11. Brand Management Specialist
12. Fleet and Equipment Maintenance Supervisor
13. Chief Operating Officer
14. Call Centre Agent
15. Graphics Designer

How to Apply

Interested applicants are to fill the online application and submit their CV through our recruitment portal athttp://recruitment.telnetng.com/guestVacancies.php

Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted

Disclaimer: Note that We make every effort to verify the authenticity of Our job posts, We're in no way affiliated to any of the companies whose vacancies We publish. However, We assure you that most of them (if not all) are authentic. Our advice for you is never to pay any amount of money to any recruiter.

NWAG Nigeria Scholarships for Undergraduate Female Students, 2013

The Nigerian Women Association of Georgia (NWAG) offers Nigeria Scholarship at Nigerian University in Nigeria. The female students of Nigeria can apply for this scholarship. This scholarship is for pursuing undergraduate degree level. Thirty seven NWAG Nigeria Scholarships are offered. The scholarship covers the amount of fifty thousand Naira each. Application can be submitted with all required documents either by regular mail or electronically by May 30, 2013.
Study Subject(s): The scholarship is provided to learn any of the courses offered by the Nigerian universities at undergraduate level.
Course Level: This scholarship is for pursuing undergraduate degree level at Nigerian universities.

TSHIP Recruits Human Resources Manager

Job Description

1. Co-ordinate the designing and updating of personnel policies.
2. Design, update and implement personnel management systems in conformity with generally accepted personnel policies, which result in the effective and efficient management of TSHIP employees.
3. Manage TSHIP staff welfare and safety.
4. Ensure that TSHIP policies are following the Nigerian labour law through the life of the project.
5. Co-ordinate personnel related activities, such as recruitment, training, deployment, reward and

Akpos the wise man

Akpos enters a Barber Shop. And the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest boy in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a 1000 naira note in
one hand and 100 naira note in the
other, then calls Akpos over and
asks “Which do you want?” Akpos takes the 100 naira and leaves. “What
did I tell you?” said the barber.
“For 2 years, that kid never learns!”

Later, one of his customer meets Akpos walking down the street licking a big ice cream and
beckons him. “May I ask you a question? Why did you take the 100 naira instead of the 1000 naira note?” Akpos taking a good swipe at the ice cream with his tongue replied,
“Because the day I take the 1000 naira note, the game is over!

AVB warns Moyes

Tottenham boss Andre Villas-Boas has told David Moyes to stay away from Gareth Bale when he takes over as Manchester United boss.

The Scot is due to take over at Old Trafford on July 1, when his current deal with Everton runs out and he is expected to utilise the cash made available to mould the Premier League champions.

The Spurs boss knows that his star man has attracted attention all across Europe with the likes of Real Madrid and Barcelona monitoring his progress.

The Portuguese is eager for the Welsh winger to sign a new deal with the north London club, but his decision may depend on whether they can secure Champions League football next season.

Villas-Boas said: "I'm pretty sure that whatever David does in the market will be excellent. But to get a player of Gareth's dimension is firstly not in our interests but also very, very difficult to get."

Cheap Things

EKAETTE: I hate my boyfriend!

AKPOS: Why?

EKAETTE: He is so cheap he cant
even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that?

AKPOS: Of course not, I'm not like that.

EKAETTE: I'm going to break up with him.