Teacher, It Is A Yam Sir – Akpos

He just got himself into trouble in class again.

TEACHER (drew a map of Nigeria on the board): Who can tell me what I drew on d board?

STUDENTS: No answer

TEACHER: So nobody can tell me what is on d board right?

STUDENTS: No answer except Akpors.

TEACHER: Ok Akpors come out. Who else?

Akpos- Listen to my story

AKPORS receive beating bcos he won enter prison

here is my story

No be my fault.

Na wetin happen be this...

Me sef been dey reason the formation to enter power, I come see say:

Nelson Mandela from prison to president.

Obasanjo from prison to president.

Theodore Orji from prison to Gov.

Omisore Iyiola from prison to senator.

Al mustapha from prison to Brigadier General.

Na hin I come go front of barrack go slap soja man make a fit go prison.

Kai... my people, where una wan make a see hand and eye type joke.

The kin beatin wey I chop ma people, if a contest for Councillor, I no go win.

Ma eye don dey clear small small sha..

Asuu Wahala

Arsenal line-up surprise move for Nigeria striker Uche Nwofor

Arsenal have joined the chase for the new Christian Benteke, Nigerian striker Uche Nwofor.

Nwofor’s pacy and powerful style has seen him likened to Aston Villa’s instant hit Benteke.

The 21 year-old bagged 10 goals for Venlo last season,and has some of the Premier Leagues biggest clubs after his services.

He was very close to making a January move to Russia, but now the Daily Star claim we are in

Mr. Udoh buried all the politicians

Mr. Udoh was returning from the farm
when a plane crashed into his rubber plantation.
The plane was full of politicians. He knew if he left the
wreckage to get help, some the politicians
would rot by the time he return so he dug graves and buried all of them.

He reported to the police and the state governor

Africa’s Billionaire Woman Folorunsho Alakija Acquires 4 G-Wagons For Her 4 Sons

Woman Folorunsho Alakija and her 4 Sons

Africa’s Billionaire Woman Folorunsho Alakija Acquires 4 G-Wagons For Her 4 Sons

Africa’s Billionaire lady, Folorunsho Alakija who has an estimated net worth of $600M is

 reported to have spent a fortune in acquiring 4 brand new 2013. G-Wagons for Her 4 Sons.

According to reports, the 2013 G-wagon is worth N22m excluding shipping fees.

Folorunsho Alakija is estimated to rake in about $1m daily from her oil business.

She also has a real estate portfolio worth over $100 million.

2013 NNPC/ESSO EEPNL International Postgraduate Scholarship Awards

In continuation of its efforts to provide opportunities for developing careers in the petroleum industry, Esso Exploration and Production Nigeria Limited (EEPNL) is offering Scholarships to outstanding Nigerian graduates wishing to pursue International post-graduate studies in the underlisted disciplines:

1. Geosciences
2. Engineering (Petroleum, Mechanical, Chemical, Electrical, Electronics, Civil/Structural, Marine and Sub Sea)

Eligibility: 

1. Must be a graduate from a Nigerian University
2. Must possess a Bachelor's degree with a minimum of second class upper division in any of the listed Engineering and Geosciences disciplines.
3. Must have provisional admission to undertake full-time postgraduate study at a reputable foreign University

2013 Students’ Special Assistance Scheme (Delta State Bursary)

Delta State Bursary and Scholarship Board- As part of Our ongoing commitment to advancing computing and technology, we are pleased to provide Scholarships and Bursary awards to encourage students to excel in their studies and become active role models and leaders. We hope these programmes also help in dismantling barriers that keep the less privileged from achieving their goals.

Location: Delta, Nigeria
Summary
This is to inform the general public particularly students of Delta State Origin studying in tertiary

2013 Gani Fawehinmi Scholarship

The Annual Gani Fawehinmi Scholarship for indigent students in Nigerian tertiary institutions is now open for applications. 
The award is for 20 indigent students, each of whom will receive One hundred Thousand Naira (N100,000) for their education.

Eligibility Criteria
-Applicant must be poor and indigent.
-Applicant must be registered students of Tertiary institutions in Nigeria i.e Universities,

Collect your certificates before December or face penalty, WAEC tells millions of Nigerians

Over 40 years old certificates are still with WAEC.

The West Africa Examination Council, WAEC, has threatened to impose penalties on candidates who failed to collect their certificates on or before December 31.

This is contained in a statement signed by the Deputy Director, Public Affairs, Yusuf Ari, on Monday in Lagos.

It stated that millions of certificates of candidates who sat for WAEC examinations since 1960s

Nigerian Army arrests 42 Boko Haram suspects in Lagos and Ogun States

The suspects were arrested in various parts of Lagos.

The Nigerian Army in a raid carried out between July 12 and 23 said it arrested 42 suspected members of the Boko Haram sect in various hideouts in Lagos and Ogun States.

The General Officer Commanding (GOC), 81 Division, Major General Obi Umahi, paraded the

Akpos and his good for nothing father

Akpo's father wanna travels 4 his business work, after finishing the Weekend with his family. He gave his wife wat she worth & d portion 4 their child (Akpos)- Therefter he gave Akpos a piece of advise:-

Dad: Now son, be gud while I'm away.

Akpos: Ok Dad. I'll be gud 4 ten dollars.

Dad: That's too much son! Wen I was ur age, I was gud 4 nothing.

Good Morning Acub readers.

Statistics shown about the number of times people brush their teeth in a day.

Statistics shown about the number of times people brush their teeth in a day.

1.) 90% brush their teeth once a day.
2.) 8% brush their teeth twice a day.
3.) 1.9% brush their teeth three times a day.
4.) 0.1% brush their teeth four or more times a day. Morning how was your night?? =)) 
 
BE SINCERE.......
Which category do you fall in????????????

Say No To CHILD ABUSE, SAY NO TO Child MARRIAGE

"Educate a man and you educate an individual, educate a woman and you educate a family."

Have been sick for some days now and didnt feel like writing but I must voice my opinion!

For so many days I have been wondering when all the 150 Million problems of Nigeria would be solved... Then like a scene in Nollywood movie.... Some Selfish, idiotic egocentric, quasi-human, old pedophiles who call themselves

Conversation between a girl and dad

Girl: Dad,I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I'm in United State and he
lives in the UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had
long chats on whatsapp, proposed to each other on skype, and now 2 months of
relationship through viber, i need your blessings and good wishes daddy

Her dad said: Really!then get married on twitter, have fun on tango. Buy your
kids on e-bay, send them through gmail. And if you are fed up with your
husband.... sell him on amazon.com

Mr TieTus (Akpors' cousin)

 Let welcome Mr TieTus (Akpors' cousin)

Scholes tells Rooney: I don't think there's anywhere better than Manchester United to play your football

Manchester United's recently retired legend Paul Scholes has told Wayne Rooney to stay at Manchester United because you don't go to a better place from United.

Scholes comments come after a summer of
uncertainty surrounding Rooney, after Rooney had handed in a transfer request late last season. Chelsea and Arsenal are thought to be the interested parties, though Chelsea are thought to be in pole position to sign the United striker. 

Scholes told Sky Sports News: "I don't think there's

Roma offer Osvaldo for Gervinho, or take £6.9m

Arsenal have come a step closer to finding a new club for their out of favour forward Gervinho. After reports earlier in the week which said that Arsenal had rejected a £6.2 million bid for the Ivory Coast international from Italian giants Roma, Football Italia reports that Roma are prepared to raise their offer to £6.9 million,

BANANAS

This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.
Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute

Windows, Server & Workstation (Team Lead) in a First Generation Bank in Nigeria

Phillips Consulting Limited - Our client is one of the first banks to have been established in Nigeria and has a wide network of branches.

An exciting opportunity exists for Team Lead, Windows Management to support the Head, IT

Strange Fish Turns Into Human In Ibadan Oyo state (Nigeria) LOOK

Hundreds of residents of Ibadan, Tuesday, rushed out to catch a glimpse of a strange fish which was said to have human parts at Asaka compound area of the city.The incident happened at Ile Akindele when a fish seller noticed the strange creature after removing the wrap of a frozen fish.

HOW TO APPLY FOR 2013/2014 ADMISSION INTO PETROLEUM TRAINING INSTITUTE (P.T.I)

Petroleum Training Institute is now offering admission into Industrial Continuing Education (I.C.E) Higher National Diploma (HND) and National Diploma (ND) weekend programme for the 2013/2014
session.
Interested and qualified Candidates can apply for the Petroleum Training Institution (PTI)

Underage marriage our right as Muslims – Asari Dokubo tells critics,

Mr Asari Dokubo

Former Ijaw Youth Council president and founder of the Niger Delta People's Volunteer Force, Mr Asari Dokubo has given his opinion concerning child marriage in Nigeria. Below is what he wrote on his Facebook page a few days ago...

List Of Senators Who Voted In Favour To Legalize Underage Marriage In Nigeria

We now know how senators voted on the constitution amendment bill which caused an uproar in the senate on Tuesday.

The part up for amendment relates to persons qualifies to renounce Nigerian citizenship. The constitution in Section 29 says anyone of age can do so.
Section 29(4) (b) says that ” any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.” It

Senegal Leap Back Up Rankings, As Nigeria Drops 5 Places To 35th Place

Senegal have made the biggest leap of any team in the latest Fifa World Rankings, climbing 25 places up to 74th globally and 17 in Africa.

It marks a huge turnaround for the Teranga Lions, who had slipped to their lowest ever position last month. There are also big improvements for other Africa nations in July's list.

Cape Verde have hit their highest ranking after moving up 23 places to sit 49th, while Guinea are 61st following a rise of 24 places. In contrast, Central African Republic suffered the biggest slip of any team, falling 30 places to sit at 89th position in the world.

African champions Nigeria slipped four places and 2012 champions Zambia fell 11 places.

Ivory Coast remain the highest ranked African team, sitting in 13th spot.. Spain remain top of the global list, while Brazil - who beat the Spaniards to lift the Confederations Cup - climb 13 places to make it into the top 10 at 9th spot.

Top Ten in Africa:

1. Ivory Coast (13 in the world)

2. Ghana (24) 3.