Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School

Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School.

Teacher: There will be an elementary science test next week. Contrary
to his nature, Akpos reads his book from cover to cover
like no man's business.

On test day, teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible.

Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name,
species, family, zoological name, habitat etc.

After about 20mins of frustration and not writing down
anything, Akpos storms to the teacher's desk
and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher: 'Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going
home!'
Teacher: What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name?

Akpos raises his trouser and points to
his leg: 'Oya u too, look my leg na, tell me my name,
my surname, where I dey live, which tribe I
come from. "

Smart Partners: Business Consultant

Job Description

Role Summary
Role of Business Consultant includes a number of techniques designed to grow an enterprise. Such techniques include assessments of marketing opportunities and target markets, intelligence gathering on clients and competitors, high competency on Microsoft Excel, Word and Power Point, generating leads for possible sales, follow-up sales activity, formal proposal writing business model design and day to day management of the company’s internal operations and processes.

Responsibilities:

• The successful candidate will possess a thorough understanding of the business channel, with appropriate product knowledge, understanding of business processes, organizational concepts, and a solid ability to communicate effectively both orally and in writing.
• Must possess strong public speaking and presentation skills as well as possess above average

Kimberly Ryan Nigeria recruitment for Brand Manager, April - May 2013

Kimberly Ryan is a Human Resources Development Company whose aim is to lead in attracting, developing and retaining superior human capital to create a dramatic business advantage for our clients.
We are recruiting to fill the below position:

Job Title: Brand Manager
Job Opening ID: 724
Location: Lagos
Main responsibilities:
Ensure smooth implementation of all marketing activities to achieve set objectives
Special Requirement: 

• Highest qualification: B.Sc
• Project Management, computer proficiency
• Experience: 3- 5years relevant

Acne- The skin Problem

Acne is a major skin issue especially in youths, causing major cosmetic & psychological problems that may affect the rest of a sufferer's life. 9 out of every 10 adolescents will suffer from acne.
The cause of acne involves many factors. Hair grows out of "holes" in the skin (Skin Pores). Hidden in these "holes" are some glands (Sebaceous Glands) that pump sweat & some oily stuff called sebum. Too much sebum, blockage of these holes and a germ called P. acnes all contribute to causing Acne . Heredity & puberty may cause excessive sebum production.
Acne occurs mostly in sebum-rich areas (face, chest & back) as "whiteheads", "blackheads", painful

Naija Jokes

Wickedness is when u put Taribo, OBJ, Taye Taiwo and Bance in front of kids
& tell them to sing
'All things bright & beautiful'".
Hehehe. Lwkmd it is not well oo

An igbo man will never forget his change with a bus conductor!
He'll rather set a reminder on his fone

Ugly people be like;
How can you face your problem when the problem is your face?
Lo...Ba...Tan!! ­!

I fit slap that head

I went to a cinema with Akpos, on getting to the cinema we saw a bald guy, I showed the guy to Akpos and said "Look at fresh head, this one is good to slap, but I'm afraid of the guy's face".

Akpos then said to me "Ofego, you fear a lot, I will slap that head and nothing will happen".

I dared him to do it and he went to where the guy was sitting and gave him a HOT SLAP on his head. The guy was surprised, and wanted to react, then Akpos said "Bros Ofego, so you are here, and we have been looking for you at home!"

Another Student Drowned In Lagos Waters & Body Recovered In Ikorodu

The body of a teenager who drowned, Tuesday, in Oniyanrin river in Owode village, in Ikorodu area of Lagos, was yesterday recovered by officials of the National Emergency Management Agency, NEMA.

The deceased identified as Feyisetan Owonifari was a Junior Secondary School, JSS2, student of Ikosi High School, Ketu.
He was said to have gone to bath in the river in company of his younger brother, penultimate Tuesday, at about 10.20 a.m.

University of East Anglia Science Foundation Scholarships for International Undergraduate Students

University of East Anglia Science International Foundation Scholarships

Course(s) Offered: Sciences (Pure, Health, etc)
Course Level: Undergraduate
Provider: University of East Anglia
Country to Study in: UK

Scholarship Description

The University of East Anglia Faculty of Science and INTO University of East Anglia invites applications for the University of East Anglia, Faculty of Science Foundation Scholarships.
Successful completion of the International Foundation programme (subject to meeting the specified course requirements) leads to direct entry to Year 1 of an undergraduate degree course at the University of East Anglia.

Eligibility

Applications to these scholarships are open to all international fee-paying students who:
Hold an unconditional offer to an INTO UEA International Foundation pathway in:
General Science
Pharmacy, Biomedicine and Health
Physical Sciences and Mathematics
Mathematics and Actuarial Sciences
And intend to progress onto a degree programme within the Faculty of Science at the University of East Anglia.

Eligible groups

International students from any country, EXCEPT the UK/EU

Participating Institutions

Faculty of Science, University of East Anglia, UK

Fields of study

Eligible degree programmes for this scholarship include:
MPharm Pharmacy

Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon

Funny Acts

* Bcos u wnt to impress ur girlfriend, u wan cum act Jackie
chan in front of a furios mopo, sorry bro...RIP in advnce.

* On ur girlfriend's bday, u bought her BB Z10 and bought
Air Freshner 4 ur mum on her bday.
What can i really say 2 u bro? Enjoy ur journey 2 hades.
...

West African postgraduate Scholarships (Nigeria, Ghana)

Edinburgh Napier University has 25 merit-based scholarships for West African students. If you live in one of the countries below, you are eligible to apply for a £2,000 tuition fee reduction to start studying in September 2013..
Once you have an offer to study with us we then assess your academic qualifications and English language skills to offer reduced tuition fees..
Visit West African postgraduate Scholarships for more details!

Letter to the single ladies

Dear ladies, Firstly, if u are still struggling to find a husband at an old age because u are looking for a perfect man, Something is certainly wrong with
u. Now, your propaganda magazine tells u that 'All men are liars, cheats and useless, but let’s be honest here, which is more likely? Is it that there’s something wrong with about 70million African men, OR there is something wrong with one African Woman, U.

The Truth is this when a product is not doing well, the sales team doesn’t blame the

List Of Illegal Degree Awarding Institutions In Nigeria By NUC, Admission Seekers Beware!!!

The National Universities Commission (NUC) wishes to announce to the general public, especially parents and prospective undergraduates that the under-listed “Degree Mills” have not been licensed by the Federal Government and have, therefore, been closed down for violating the Education (National Minimum Standards etc) Act CAP E3 Law of the Federation of Nigeria 2004.

The “Universities” are List of Illegal Degree Awarding Institutions Operating in Nigeria.

The “Universities” are:

1) University of Accountancy and Management Studies, operating anywhere in Nigeria.

2) Christians of Charity American University of Science & Technology, Nkpor, Anambra State or any of its other campuses.

3) University of Industry, Yaba, Lagos or any of its other campuses

Commonwealth Youth Awards for Excellence in Development Work 2013

Commonwealth Youth Awards 2013 - Do you know of a young person making a positive difference to the lives of other people in your community or country?
The Commonwealth Youth Programme (CYP) is inviting nominations for 2013 Commomwealth Youth Awards for Excellence in Development Work.

2013 COMMONWEALTH YOUTH AWARDS

We are looking for young people whose development work reflects the Commonwealth's Plan for Youth Empowerment to:

1. Promote youth participation in decision making

TWAS-CAS Postdoctoral Fellowship for Developing Countries Applicants, China

TWAS-CAS Postdoctoral Fellowship Programme For young scientists from Nigeria and other developing countries (other than China) who wish to pursue postdoctoral research in China though the Chinese Academy of Sciences (CAS), Beijing, China.

Scholarship Application Deadline: 31 August (annually).

Visit TWAS-CAS Postdoctoral Fellowship Programme for more details: PDoc Application form,PDoc Application Guidelines!

Nigerian Young Entrepreneur Scholarships

To celebrate the opening of our new business incubation facility, Edinburgh Napier is offering two 50% tuition fee scholarships to the winners of our Nigerian Young Entrepreneur Competition.

We want to hear from prospective postgraduate students who either have an existing business or have a good business idea that they would like to develop while they study. 

Please send us a brief business proposal, no more than four A4 pages long. You may want to consider the following points:

• Executive summary
  

MADE IN NIGERIA

E don reach time wey we, as original Naija
people
must stop to dey use oyinbo abreviations like
LOL, LMAO, ROTFLMAO etc etc. when we fit dey
use our own exceptional street lingua
LWKM - Laugh wan kill me
MIDG - make i dey go

Basket Mouth Don Loose Guard

Letter To Late Prof. Chinua Achebe

Dear Achebe,
Please, If you see Ojukwu, tell him that his brothers and sisters are experiencing another
Pogrom in Kano.

Tell Awolowo that Nigeria is preparing for another war.

Tell Zik that those things that made him cross the ocean 50 times seeking for peace is

Riddles

1. What does every man hate, yet
no man wants to lose?

*His Job.

Chika Ike gets N5million to cut her hair in new movie

First Movies International paid actress Chika Ike a whooping N5million to shave her hair in a movie where she will play the lead role. They are currently on location and Chika will shave her hair on Monday.

Above is the cheque she

Nigerian Comedian And Actor Caught In The Act

PEOPLE MUST TALK NO MATTER HOW

Girl gets pregnant at 23, People say: "She's too young to have a baby".

Girl considers abortion: "Babykiller."

Girl considers adoption: "Can't believe she's just going to give her baby away".

Girl keeps baby: "How's she going to afford that baby??".

Girl gets

The smart Lawyer

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses. "

The defendant smiled and with his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

WHY PARENTS SHOULD NOT TEXT...

Mom: Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?
Son: I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.
Mom: It's ok, don't worry about it...I'll ask your Sister, Love you too.
---------------------------------
Dad: Son, I have a Facebook account now...accept my friend request.
Son: You're on Facebook now?
WTF!!!
Dad: What does WTF mean?

2013 National Essay Competition for Secondary Schools in Nigeria

2013 National Essay Competition for Secondary Schools in Nigeria

The National Essay Contest 2013 is now open for registration for Nigerian secondary school

students with a tittle test: “The Internet is a blessing or a curse for the millennial generation? .

The test is designed to support reading and writing culture Nigerian students.

The National Essay Contest 2013 presented by counseling support to young Consult (YSCC),

aims to celebrate and nurture the creativity of young writers in secondary schools across

ABUJA — SENATE president, David Mark, said it was embarrassing that Nigeria was still being ranked among countries with polio pandemic.

He also blamed states and local governments in the country for not doing enough to complement Federal Government’s efforts at arresting the disease.

“One of the countries in the world today where we still have polio is in Nigeria and it is a very embarrassing thing for us. I hope that we are doing something about it,” he said.

Senator Mark, who yesterday spoke during debate on a motion on polio, regretted that in spite of

The Funny Riddle

 If you get this right then you are surely a genius. Its a riddle game now. Here it goes...
- you have one and i also have one.
- your mother use your fatherz one.
- your aunt also uses your uncles one.
- madonna dont have one.

Boy and Girl

When a boy does something wrong...
GIRL: You broke my Favorite Lamp!
BOY: It was an Accident...I didn't mean to...
GIRL: I can't believe you did this!
BOY: I'm Sorry...

Premier League

IF ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE could have been a CLASS ROOM: THEN,


ARSNAL: A boy who work so hard throughout the term but because his stingy rich family refuse 2 buy text book 4 him….

MANCHESTER CITY: A boy that was born with a silver spoon and have all text books but fail simply because he is not care 2 read them…
LIVERPOLL FC: A boy who have not been doing well recently in class because he is so proud of his grand fathers academic archivement…
MANCHESTER UNITED: A Boy who always come first in class and his class-mate accuse him of bribing a teacher who always help him out in hard subject during examinations….and maybe he really bribe the Teacher………
CHELSEA: A boy who always blame his teacher anytime he fail and his parents find new teacher for him every time….
ENGLAND IS BLOODY IN COLOUR!!!

Bible Quiz

Q: Who is judas?
AKPOS: a farmer and vegetarian.

Q: why?
AKPOS: becos judas eats carrot.

Q: where is judas from?
AKPOS: Nigeria.

Q: which tribe?
AKPOS: igbo.

Q: why?
AKPOS: becos he loves money.

Q: what is Lazarus surname?
AKPOS: Comfort.

Q: why?
AKPOS: becos wen Jesus came to his grave, He
shouted"Lazarus ­ Comfort".

Q: who are the brothers of Lazarus that climb
the tree to see Jesus?

AKPOS: Aki And Pawpaw.
Q: why?
AKPOS: because they are short men.

Q: complete this bible quote,"many are called
but..."
AKPOS: many are called but few have the credit
to call back.

God answer Akpos prayer

AKPOS prayed so hard and one day God finally talked to Him.
GOD: My Son, what do you really want?
AKPOS: I want a job, a big car and lots of girls to be all around me..
GOD: Is that all?
AKPOS: Yes...
GOD: Your prayer has been answered.
AKPOS: Thank you God.

Do you know that AKPOS is now A BUS DRIVER in a FEMALE SCHOOL.